Monday:

Okay so things are coming together and I’m starting to feel the pressure to like get ready. So the boys are all set and the nursery is pretty much set up. I’ve only stocked it with baby gear and supplies I already had. I don’t know. I’m not trying to be pessimistic I just don’t want to do too much and then something happens and then I have a bunch of stuff I need to return or give away which will just make me even more sad. I’d rather wait until he’s here and then we can make a Target run on the way home or something. After how things went with our previous pregnancy I think I’m always going to have that lingering thought in the back of my mind. It sounds sad but it’s okay. I’m okay. I think I’m just more aware of pregnancy loss and infertility and things like that. 

I’ve probably mentioned this before but as sad and traumatic as that experience was, the present is actually a better time for us to welcome another member of our family. I had about a year to learn how lupus affects my body and to find providers that have experience with patients affected by autoimmune disorders. That is so so important to having a healthy pregnancy. We’re now in a position where we could purchase a new vehicle as well. It sounds so cliche but everything happens the way it’s supposed to. Sometimes we understand it and sometimes we don’t. I just pray that the next few weeks continue to go well and we have a safe and healthy delivery. 

Beau is awake and is moving so much that my whole stomach is shifting side to side. I love this part 🙂 He’s probably wondering why I haven’t had my nightly apples and cheese! Brian said he’d bring me some once he’s done recording his podcast. I don’t know though, I might be asleep by the time he finishes. I’ve been pretty tired lately. Probably just Beau going through a growth spurt and requiring more of my energy. This week should be another low-key week so hope I can get more organizing and decluttering done. I have to say, it does get easier the more I do it. Letting go of stuff and throwing away junk. I’m excited for this new chapter that we’re going on together. It’s a new chapter for all 4 of us and I’m super pumped Link gets to experience this as well. He’s such a good little brother and I think he’ll be a great big brother as well. Like Parker, he’s very sweet and caring. Like at soccer practice when Parker gets injured, Lincoln will come over and check on him, ask if he’s okay and if there’s anything he can do to make his brother feel better. It’s really sweet to see and makes me feel good to see my boys taking care of each other. Parker does the same for Lincoln as well. It’s beautiful to see them working and playing together. They are a team and when Brian and I aren’t around I’d like to know they have each other’s back.

Thursday:

It’s 12:18 am and I think I’m a little delirious. I was up late last night decluttering etc and was super tired today. I wanted to take a nap but it never happened and I powered through. I just kept moving. Cleaning, decluttering, doing laundry, packing up toddler clothes etc. I think I’ve still got a bit of an adrenaline rush because I should be asleep. I don’t feel tired but maybe that’s because I’m eating a bowl of ice cream. I was texting my sister but I figured it’d be better to vent to my journal. This nesting phase has me wilding out. I’ve never been so motivated to declutter our home. I am ready to throw everything OUT. I’m so over it. Not my pregnancy but just the clutter my GOODNESS! I’ve probably ranted about it to my sister and my girlfriend Tia the most this week. Tia has been great. She’s so supportive and always encouraging me. I hope I haven’t worried her too much. Speaking of wilding out, this ice cream with chocolate chips and peanuts seems to be a hit with Beau. He has my stomach doing the Harlem Shake (’03). Still not studying but I did get in a workout last night and I plan to walk with my neighbor on Friday. I’m determined to get this house in order so I can chill the last couple weeks of my pregnancy. 

Beau’s favorite move, as of late, seems to be punching/kicking my butthole and abdomen simultaneously. It doesn’t hurt. It’s just an interesting sensation. Like, what’s he doing in there?

#BeauBrad